Joke for today?

[Van]

After living in the country all his life, an old redneck decided it was time to visit the big city.
In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.

Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring
back at him, 'How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy.'

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.
One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.

As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with!"

[gone fishin]

DONT FORGET ABOUT NEXT SATURDAY!

Don't forget to mark your calenders .

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife, and to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment.

The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
God bless America !

[gone fishin]

A man walks into a bar,
He sits down and places the bag on the counter..
The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag..

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9" high and sets him on the counter.

He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.

He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano stool,
Which he places in front of the piano

The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful
Piece by Mozart!

"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag.
This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says:

"Here. Rub it."

So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.

"I will grant you one Wish... Just one wish.... each person is only
allowed one!"

The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want A million bucks!"

A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar.

It is soon followed By another duck, then another.
Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!

The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your Genie's' a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million Ducks."

"No sh*t!!" says the man, "do you really think I asked for a 9-inch
"Pianist" ??????