Joke for today?

[Van]

IDIOTS IN SERVICE:
This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the
telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00
a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller
time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he
would be able to do that since our phones weren't working. He
also requested that we report future outages by email. (Does YOUR
email work without a telephone line?).

IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the
clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the
credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the
transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she
explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had
just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front
of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had
just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call
the local township administrative office to request the removal
of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer
were being hit by cars and she didn't want them to cross there
anymore. I could swear I've recently been with some of these
people...

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She
asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He
said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTING #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my
knowledge, how would I know?" She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the
street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine when she asked if
I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind
people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on
earth are blind people doing driving?"

IDIOT SIGHTING #3:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is
leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

IDIOT SIGHTING #4:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into
itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system
would not turn on.

IDIOT SIGHTING #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."


Now don't you feel better?