Joke for today?

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To Pun Is Fun


1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
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2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
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3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
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5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
count that votes.
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6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
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7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
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8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
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9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
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10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you
A-flat minor.
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11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
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12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
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13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.
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14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
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15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
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16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
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17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
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18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
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19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
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20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
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21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
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22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small
medium at large.
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23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the
end.
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24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
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25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
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26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought
she'd dye.
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27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
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28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
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29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
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30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.