Joke for today?

[Van]

This guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the word HONDA."

"That's very interesting, I've never heard of anything like that before. Do you think you could fart for me?" says the doctor.

The guy fires one off and sure enough, the doctor hears "HONDA!"

After several attempts to figure out what's wrong with this guy, the doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of stomach specialists and none of them can figure out why this guy’s farts say, "HONDA."

Finally, as a last resort, the doctors send him to a dentist. After listening to the problem, the dentist opens up the guys mouth and examines it.

"A-haa!!!!,” says the dentist, "....I have solved the problem."

"What is it? What is it. Please tell me doc"

The dentist replies "Well, sir, you have an abscessed tooth."

"Yeah....so?", says the guy, "What has that got to do with my farts?"

The dentist replies . . .

"Cant you see…Abscess Makes The Fart Go HONDA"

[The Dad Fisherman]

Ughhhh!! That was painfull

[fishaholic18]

Why do men's hearts beat quicker, go weak in the knees, get dry throats, and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing?
BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE A NEW TRUCK!!!

[fishsmith]

Catholic Boys

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been
with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is that you,
little Tommy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is."
And, who was the woman you were with?" "I can't be
tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her
reputation." "Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out
sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a
steadfast lad, Tommy
Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've
sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church
mass for three months.Be off with you now." Tommy
walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over
and whispers,"What'd you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads"

[fishaholic18]

A hillbilly, young Kenny, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well, then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" ? Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off." The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
A month later, the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Kenny grew up and eventually became the Chairman of Enron.

[fishaholic18]

This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a
woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all
the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked
my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs,
splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.
Stupid women drivers !