Joke for today?

[BW from AZ]

I Miss Bill Clinton




It doesn't matter what party you belong to - this is hilarious. From a show on Canadian TV. There was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.


"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.



Number 1 - He played the sax.

Number 2 - He smoked weed.

Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women.



Even now? Look at him... his wife works, and he don't!



And, he gets a check from the government every month.

[justplugit]

[HESH2]

Family owned hardware business located in new york city required all family start at bottom and work themselves up the ladder to a better position.the owners youngest son was told to go to all the new england states and take orders and show new products.on driving through maine for 3 hours he has to take a sh*t.he has not passed anyplace to stop.he see a pumpkin patch and pull out a knife,cuts the top off the pumpkin and sits and proceeds to do his business.he put the top back on the pumpkin and after driving down the road for a mile he comes to a gas station general store.after he goes all the way to the candian boarder on his way back he stops at the general store and goes inside.chatting with the clerk he tell him about the pumpkin and then he goes on his way.the clerk cranked up the phone and said vi this is cy that was sh*t in the pumpkin pie.

[fishsmith]

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be too afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

8. Chapped lips? Rub chicken %$%$%$%$ on them. It won't ease the chapping, but it will keep you from licking them.

9. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are. You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. (me buck and mo were just talking about this)

And finally.....Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

[fishaholic18]

What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??

The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of
perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says:

"You're next, fatty."