Old family expressions--

[striprman]

Remember the three rules of aging:
1, Never pass up a bathroom stop
2. Never waste a boner
3. Never trust a fart

[toddonbi]

While we are on the topic of farts, my uncle had a good one.
He would bomb us out, practically making us puke from the stink of it all, and when we asked him how can you do that he would reply, "Hey man, everybody likes thier own brand!" --side note use that one at your own risk.

[justplugit]

When it came to someone exagerating or tellin lies-

He talks through his hat.
He says more than his prayers.

[justplugit]

Oh and another in the same vain--

He talks to hear himself talk.

[Raven]

Originally Posted by justplugit

He talks to hear himself talk.

Scientists studying why dogs bark for no apparent reason
discovered that they do it just to hear themselves .
and............
one of the reasons people were found to want to smoke cigarettes
is to know they were still alive because they could see the smoke that they just exhaled.

[Raven]

Originally Posted by Karl F

Or, as Dad would say,
"He plays to an audience, of one."

a little off topic... but your comment reminded me of this .......
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul Horn the Flute Player ...who has made recordings in the cheops pyramid in egypt and in the taj mahal too... a long time ago...tho

Anyways, Paul goes walking into the Taj Mahal and gets stopped by the cleric (priest) in there and he says "you can't come in here!"
"this is where we pray to GOD !"

Paul just walked right past him saying....
"i came here: to play to GOD"....and kept on walking.
followed by his recording technician....

[Raven]

we have an Uncle Karl in our family who lives in michigan
on 1000 acres that he farms....

every night just about...my day would tell us about Uncle Karl
and how much food he ate.....
first he starts with a big plate of potatoes...
and my dad would gesture the size of the mound of taters
then he has a huge plate of green beans....gesturing again
then he has a big bowl of squash this big encircling his arms...

going on and on about how uncle Karl was the strongest man in the world and all...

just to get his 6 sons to eat their little amount of veggies

[mekcotuit]

Originally Posted by toddonbi

While we are on the topic of farts:

"Dear god, what keeps you on the ground?"

or:

"Somethng crawled up inside you and died!"

[ReelinRod]

When I was a know-it-all teenager my Dad used to tell me, "you don't know yet what you don't know yet and you think that makes you smart."

[justplugit]

[QUOTE=Karl F]cool Uncle Karl story..
"Oh $hit!"...
[QUOTE]

Infamous words, handed down from generation to generation.

[Slingah]

good stories Raven & Karl

here is another...."you don't know your arse from your elbow"

[justplugit]

Originally Posted by Raven

we have an Uncle Karl in our family who lives in michigan
on 1000 acres that he farms....

every night just about...my day would tell us about Uncle Karl
and how much food he ate.....
first he starts with a big plate of potatoes...
and my dad would gesture the size of the mound of taters
then he has a huge plate of green beans....gesturing again
then he has a big bowl of squash this big encircling his arms...

going on and on about how uncle Karl was the strongest man in the world and all...

just to get his 6 sons to eat their little amount of veggies

Smart Dad ya had there Rav.

[Raven]

quote karl: I can't friggin stand heights, or climbing!!!

what about your fondness for booze....
maybe from a different perspective
but there none the less....

[Raven]

Originally Posted by justplugit

Smart Dad ya had there Rav.

he was Senoir Vice PRESIDENT OF STATE STREET BANK....

HE SOLD OR TRADED MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF BONDS EACH DAY

OOPS CAPS SORRY

but he was also the greatest fibber of all time....

because Uncle Karl came to visit us one summer
and he was a skinny as a bean pole
hahahahahaha it was a riot.... the guys real tall
and wasn't as much of a giant as he said he was
thats for sure....
But old uncle karl got a big kick out of it...
just the same...

[justplugit]

Always at least one wild one in the family, and actually we had quite a few. The one i remember best was Uncle Charles, better known as Pop Kuie. The whole family was over 6'2", but Pop Kuie was about 5'5" and weighted #100lbs soakin wet. He also had buck teeth and in those days if ya had 'em, ya had 'em.

He learned to fight early, as he was teased alot,and would look for trouble wherever he could find it. They say, he fought like a Bantam Rooster. Anyways, the last fight that he had, that i know of, was when he was 81. Some guy made a wise crack about his German Sheperd, he was kinda ugly, and that set him off. Ended up in court, the whole 9 yards.

[justplugit]

When he hit a snag while working-

I'm gettin nowhere fast.

[Backbeach Jake]

Originally Posted by Karl F

Or, as Dad would say,
"He plays to an audience, of one."

My Dad's was "He talks just to hear his head rattle"

[Backbeach Jake]

When you're working on something with some one watching and you screw it up. " Why did you just stand there and let me do that?" My brother Pat thought that I was serious for 30 years!! "remember when you chewed me out for letting you screw up your Harley?" I was 19 he was 9.

[justplugit]

The car would hit a bump in the road, and everybody would yell-

Thank you mam.

[Backbeach Jake]

"Gag a maggot on a gut wagon"

[Grapenuts]

always asked a kid when he was trying to grow a mustache " you tryin to cultivate somethin under your nose that grows wild around your a$$"

[justplugit]

you would be anticipating something big happening and he would say--

Don't put the cart before the horse.
or
Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.

[sok]

"I'm not pissed at you because of what you did.
I'm pissed at the fact that you got caught.
Whatever you do; don't get caught."
(Smack. Open hand; small of the back. Black & blue in the shape of a hand.)
Dad.
The older I get; (37); the more he makes sense.

[justplugit]

[QUOTE=Karl F
Trust me.. it stuck like glue in the back of the mind....[/QUOTE]

Oh yeah, fear ruled in those days and

as my Dad would say, "a good swift kick in the rear end", would enforce it.

[sok]

The problem with the youth of today.
Never were "taught" respect.
Ever find yourself at a green light with one of them walking REAL slow across the street in front of the truck?
Pants halfway down, baseball cap sideways.
With "that look" or ignoring you altogether?
I wish fear still ruled.
Or I was allowed to punch it & run them the **** down.

[justplugit]

"give 'em a dose of his own medicine"

[justplugit]

"there's a sucker born every minute"

"Lunk head"

one of Clammer's favorites, "Nit wit"

[Raven]

"give him an inch and he'll take a mile "

i used to hate being told to go cut a switch...
.........that was a green branch to get a whippin with....

one day i bring in this big ole branch hopin it would break
or maybe he'd calm down and change his mind....not

it broke alright......right over my backside.

[Nebe]

you say potato, i say F- You. was my gramp's favorite

[Swimmer]

Didn't read all the posts, but what about, "chit or get off the pot"?