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We all know it's not easy being a parent. When you tell them it is an adult night out no kids, they will get the hint. If they can't find a sitter they won't come. Maybe you could screen a couple of sitters yourself, alot of times it's hard to find a sitter if you run in limited circles. We had that problem, but have since solved it and now have 3 or 4 sitters we can rely on.
I know where you are coming from as one of my friends has a some who is challenged. He is similar to Downs, he lives at a school and comes home for holidays and stuff. When there is a party or cookout and he is there everyone is walking on eggshells, none is having any fun. The other kids are close in age and they all play together and no one has to worry, until he gets there. He is alot older, and lately has been pulling some crap with younger one but no one wants to step up and tell her they fear for their own kids safety, but it has to be done sometimes.
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