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Why do the Republicans give Wyoming by far the most federal anti-terrorism money per capita?
They're trying to protect it from those gay cowboys.
Why do Republican tax cuts always expire in ten years or less?
They want to make them thirty but keep running out of fingers.
Why did the Republicans kill Jesus?
He tried to cross the border.
Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast?
They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
Why did the Republican throw a clock out the window?
He saw a homosexual and was out of grenades.
Why did Republican senator Larry Craig throw a clock out the window?
He'd run out of more covert signals in trying to score some gay sex.
Why do Republican politicians shoot Republican lawyers in the face?
The lawyers are always talking about tough sentences for minority kids and the politicians think they're teaching them to read.
Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina?
They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.
Why is Republican state representative Bob Allen's wallet suspiciously empty these days?
He has to spend money searching for the "real" gay prostitution solicitors.
Why do Republicans love doing laundry?
They're naturals at separating the whites from the colors.
Why do Republicans call their insurance company when a movie starts?
Because all the trailers are gone.
Why do Republicans get defined as the right?
Because nobody else has a single right with them in charge.
Why does Ted Stevens take so many bribes from housing developers?
He needed maintenance to unclog his Internet tubes.
Why do Republicans always try to get rid of Hollywood sex scenes?
They just don't find them very realistic. It's missing all the yawning and the part where the woman goes to cry in the bathroom.
Why do Republicans never turn their most prestigious literature into a movie?
They wanted Waldo to play himself, but they just can't find him.
Why does Republican state representative Richard Curtis like paying for gay sex in adult bookstores?
Because the other choice of what to do there involved reading.
Why did Ronald Reagan typify the ideal candidate in the 2008 Republican presidential primary?
Because he's dead.
Why do Republicans never worry about using up all the world's fossil fuels?
They're only a few years from becoming more of it themselves.
Why is it taking the Republicans so long to build their Great Wall of America?
Every time there's a new opening, Larry Craig rushes over to try to spot guys with their pants down.
Why do safety regulations forbid lips on the exterior of a jet airliner?
They create incessant flapping from the right wing.
Why does Republican senator Larry Craig think that BIll Clinton was a "naughty boy" and a "nasty boy" and wanted to punish him with more than a slap on the wrist?
Craig was hoping he'd get to give some spankings.
Why do Republicans always love when a baseball pitcher throws a perfect game?
Better chance they get an excuse to write KKK all over their programs.
Why are the Republicans so afraid of having immigration laws that let Hispanics enter the country?
They're afraid that Speedy Gonzales fellow will beat their bedroom record.
Why do Republicans claim that they're tough on terrorism when all the successful attacks happen on their watch?
Because they can still do punishment right. All those suicide bombers... now dead...
Why do Republicans always win limbo contests?
They know how to get as low as possible, from their experience teaching the dollar.
Why does Republican senator Larry Craig like to identify himself with social conservatism?
We all know how fond he is of stall tactics.
Why did the Republican spank the five year old boy?
He asked to be paid minimum wage.
Why don't Republicans think that Gitmo tactics like light and sound deprivation, forced nudity, and turning dogs against suspects are torture?
Because the Republicans are the ones who have to watch FOX News.
Why does Republican state representative Richard Curtis confuse paying for gay sex with charity?
It's the closest thing to "missionary" work that he'll ever do.
Why does Ted Stevens add so much spending in bills for contractors that are bribing him?
He thought his pork was helping the American agricultural sector.
Why do Republicans claim they're tougher on terrorism even though attacks are only successful on their watch?
Because they're so hard at work recruiting Christians for al Qaeda that they have more to stop.
Why do Republicans never play chess?
But they do. There are eight of them in every game lined up in front of the white bishops and knights.
Why do Republicans at community service events show up much higher by their numbers?
Their counts include the people there to picket the event, too.
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